There’s an authenticated hadith narrated by Abul Harith that states the Prophet (saws) said there are four components to happiness:
Having a good spouse/companion
Having a good neighbor
Having a spacious home
Having a “sweet ride”
And there are four components to misery:
Having a bad spouse
Having a bad neighbor
Having a constrictive home
Having a “bad ride”
But when you look at Prophet Muhammad’s (saws) life, in the most obvious sense, he only had the first one, he had a good spouse. His home was only 6’x9’. He couldn’t even pray without needing to ask his wife to move her feet so he could put his head down during salaat. I’m unclear about the “bad neighbor” thing. He walked everywhere and didn’t ride. Was he “happy”? I don’t know. I would venture to put forward that I believe he was content and at deep peace inside.
“Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product. Paradoxically, the one sure way not to be happy is deliberately to map out a way of life in which one would please oneself completely and exclusively. For what keeps our interest in life and makes us look forward to tomorrow is giving pleasure to other people.” By Eleanor Roosevelt.
Happiness is a temporary state, because feeling happy is an emotion. Emotions are temporary states, always shifting and changing depending on circumstances. So when I used to think “I want to be happy”…what did I really mean? I want to feel happy all the time? That’s unrealistic …right? No one can feel happy all the time, since our emotions are in flux all the time.
In my heart, I want to be at peace. I want unshakeable contentment. Serenity. I want centeredness despite outward circumstances. A life with flat emotions doesn’t sound like fun at all. Feeling happy to the exclusion of all other emotions sounds really boring and eventually stressful, as boredom creates its own kind of stress. Yes, of course I want to feel happy as much as possible, and realistically, that’s not something within my control. I certainly have tried to control my emotions, and man oh man, that really didn’t work out for me.
So, am I really pursuing happiness? I do believe the path I am on leads to happiness. By walking it, am I pursuing happiness? Maybe. But in my deep heart, I really want peace and contentment. I’ve lived a life full of misery and pain. In my deepest, darkest pain-filled moments, I didn’t wish for happiness, I wished for relief and peace. But my head is used to saying “I want happiness”. I think perhaps I am ready to shift my thinking to “I want peace” or “I want serenity”.
My head is used to saying “I want peace”
Perhaps I am ready to shift my thinking to “I want peace” or “I want serenity”.
Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT saying “no” to happiness. Ha! I still like feeling happy. I think I’m ready not to pursue it as vigorously as I wish to pursue peace or serenity.
I want that state where, the ocean around me can be as calm or as turbulent as it likes, but I KNOW I am standing on solid ground on some land. The ocean can surround me, but no longer am I in it, going from one moment of feeling overwhelmed and like I’m drowning, to the next where I might be floating, to the next where the ocean is stormy and I’m wondering how to weather it. I want to feel like I know I’ll be okay, no matter what is happening around me.
I know I’m on solid ground
I want that existence where, the ocean around me can be as calm or as turbulent as it likes, but I KNOW I am standing on solid ground
If I’m ready to pursue peace and contentment, what does that look like? I want something that is unshakeable, even during times of difficulty and hardship.
One of my teachers in spiritual healing school once did a demonstration. She took a thick rope and held onto one end of it. Then she asked a student to hold on to the other end. Once the student was holding it, she gave it enough pull, tension, so the rope felt tight and the student felt like she was being pulled toward something. Our teacher taught us to hold onto “the rope of Allah” like the student was holding to the physical rope. She taught us to always look for the rope of Allah and hold on tight. As I practice that, I find that I am able to feel less thrown around by events going on around me, or even to me.
I have recently learned of another tool. Another teacher framed our existence this way, that we have our worldly self or our worldly existence with all its experiences, and we have our energetic self, the part of us connected to something Higher or Deeper. The part of us I think Eckart Tolle would call the observer. In any given moment, when we are strongly identified with our worldly self, we are prone to be swept up by worldly events. When strongly anchored in this identity it is hard to see anything beyond the events happening to us. When I’m stuck here, because of whatever difficult thing is happening, I often will reach out to my friends to help me process it. What ends up happening is someone will remind me about God. Am I turning to God? Am I even remembering there is a God? And inevitably I say “OOOOHHHHH YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH.” When I’m reminded, I shift a little bit into something higher or deeper. In the reminding that there is Allah, I’m reminded also that I’m something bigger than this situation. I’m also reminded I’m not alone and of all my other beliefs. This is where I think I let go of identifying so strongly with my worldly self and am partly identified with a higher self or my observer self. This tool is one way I’m reminded to look and hold onto the rope of Allah. Or put another way, I climb back onto my steady land and let the ocean do whatever it wants around me. I begin to witness the ocean instead of identifying with the events and feeling like I’m stuck in the ocean, helpless.
Am I turning to God?
Am I even remembering there is a God?
My friends and I often talk about how we forget and need one another to remind us. We often joke about creating a T-shirt that says “Ask Allah” and wearing it to help us remember more on a daily basis. This post goes live during Ramadan, I plan on having that shirt in my merch store by the end of Ramadan. If no one but me buys and wears it, that’s totally fine, because it makes me laugh. To my friends who we’ve talked and laughed about doing this – I DID IT! I MADE THE SHIRT! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!!!! I hope you like it. (I’m such a nerd! Of course I made the shirt! Haaahahahahahhaaa). To the rest of you, you now know the story behind the shirt and are in on the story. If the shirt is something that would remind you, please feel free to purchase it.
So I guess, I have been pursuing peace and serenity, by learning and practicing holding on to the rope of Allah. It has to be a practice because I have a built-in forgetter. Having a forgetter is part of being human. It’s partly why learning and practicing patience with ourselves is so important. Now I expect to forget, so I’m not hard on myself about it, I just feel gratitude when Allah reminds me (via popping into my head or a friend reminds me, or something pops up online somewhere). OH! I could create another shirt to remind me to hold onto the rope of Allah too! I’ll create the appropriate links below.
May your road be full of reminders that peace and serenity are within your grasp no matter what is happening in your world.
Peace and Light,
Mariam-Saba
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