Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

Die before you die

The Invitation of Impermanence

The Invitation of Impermanence

Letting go of our self-identity feels scary. It feels like death. It kind of is a death, but the death of a false construct. The false identity was never really who we were despite what we felt and believed. Letting it die doesn’t change anything in the world. It only frees our anchor in the river and allows us to flow freely with life again. Something we used to do as children until we stopped.

Letting our self-identity die frees us to perceive the world around us differently. We’re free to grow, change, evolve and connect more with the Divine. Our hardened identities can prevent us from connecting with Allah, and experiencing Allah around us. It can prevent us from developing a personal relationship with Allah.

If we cling to our self-identity, it can be a form of false worship, or shirk. It all comes about from a fear of the unknown. The fear keeps us trapped and stagnant, when life and existence all around us is change, growth and movement. We’re constantly being invited to surrender into its flow.