Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

Self Worth

Success on the Shoulders of Failure

Success on the Shoulders of Failure

It was incredible to see how failure was as valuable as success. There was no longer any good or bad associated with failure, or even success. Talk about new levels of freedom. Realizing that was really freeing. It freed me to stop judging myself with those standards. It freed me to also grow and accept that making mistakes, which I viewed as failures, was a crucial part of my growth and development. I mine my mistakes for information, even now. Especially now. I don’t love them, but I don’t dread them like I once did.

Being My Own Best Friend

Being My Own Best Friend

It asked a question: “Would you speak to your best friend this way?” Uuuuhhh, No! Absolutely not! She wouldn’t be my friend at all, no one would, if I said even one of these things to someone else.

The article continued with: “If you said ‘no,’ then why do you speak to yourself this way?” I thought my reason was good. I thought my negative self-talk pushed me to do better than others. I thought it was the reason I succeeded in my endeavors.

The article continued with, “Why not be your own best friend?”

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You Are Worthy Because You Breathe

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You Are Worthy Because You Breathe

…Daily, maybe hourly, I experienced toxic shame that stemmed from a belief that I wasn’t worthy of anything.... I wasn’t even worthy of the air I breathed. It was extreme and it was really painful. Then someone said to me, “you’re worthy because you breathe.” That was an interesting and jolting statement. Could it be true?